When in Doubt, Craigslist

Every so often, I enjoy spending my time drinking wine (obviously) and surfing the Craigslist Classifieds. Really it’s a secret hobby of mine, I just love what the promise of anonymity brings out in people! So without further ado…brought to you by Pinot Grigio and Craigslist…

1. looking for love🙂 -she doesn’t ask for much…

Hope you are in for a long ride beautiful… hello I am a 23 year old femme lesbian, meaning I ONLY like femme women… I prefer femme women but am open to soft butch or tomboy… I am into white women no not racist I have mixed people in my family and best friend is african amerian just my preference… well a lil bout me… I work, drive and live with cool roommates.. fav color is purple.. fav food is mexican.. fav movies are comedies…  love having fun and laughing and making others laugh…  what I’m looking for…  friendship to start out then leading into my future wife… must be 100% honest and faithful.. must work or support self.. must have transportation.. must be loyal.. must know what you want… I’m tired of being played and lied to… I’m honest and 150% faithful… I’m a hopeless romantic… well if you fit my description and like what you have read then hit me up 614 please be a woman 6** please know what you want and 8*** don’t beat around the bush.. i want someone who isn’t indecisive and won’t tell me what i want to hear.. I’m very honest and am ready to settle… NO GAMES , NO COUPLES, NO HOOKUPS, NO DRAMA, AND ABSOLUTELY NO MEN… NO PIC NO REPLY.AND PLEASE DON’T TEXT AND ONLY SAY HI , TELL ME ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NAME… put fav tv.show so I know you’re real…  thanks have a good day and goodluck with your search:-)

2. here cums the weekend – she just wants you to want her. she needs you to need her…

hello ladies,I’m looking for a sexy fem to come over this weekend get me drunk and take advantage of me…i can host.reply with pic.serious inquiries only…..hope to see you this weekend..

Yes, that's a gun...
Yes, that’s a gun…

3.  Kate – the women I dream of always have a fluffy furry atop their head. And if there were one animal I’d hit on, it’d be a blissful “squirell”

She has very short blonde hair with a fluffy flurry on top of her head. She is petite and reminds me of a tiny blissful squirell. When I first saw you my soul was overly drawn to you. You emit the brightest aura of happiness and love. Your eyes smile and radiate with beauty. You are the cutest queer girl I’ve ever layed my eyes on. I need to know you, even if just a friend. You amaze me, I can’t even lay my finger on it. I want to sip hot tea and play records with you. I want to paint pictures and chatter about the universe with you. I want to know your soul and your dreams. You inspire me to be a better person.❤

4. Are You The Marrying Type – yes, surfing the Craigslist personals, are YOU the marrying type? Would you like to set goals?

I was married but it didn’t work out. I really loved being married and I can only image how awesome it would be to be married to the right woman this time. If you are looking for someone to share your life with we should chat. Who knows we might be the match we are looking for. I know what it means to compromise, to make someone feel like they are more important than anyone or anything else. I know what it means to put your family first. I know what it means to set goals and reach them. Let’s set some goals together

5. The Shine in Your Eye – She just wants your tinkle

Hi Girls,
I’m looking for a girl, down to earth, casual meet ups and with some good benefits.
i have been with a girl before, but i would love to try out things again.
it would be discreet..
Day times would be great.
i would love to see the tinkle in your eyes when i go down😉
6. Back Page Prostitute Boycott – DAMN HOOKERS! Where is the love, the love, the looove…

The Back Page hookers are overpriced, deceptive and damn clock watchers.  Most are not whom they portray themselves to be using photos of other, nice looking women.  Tell them what I do, if I come to them and they are not the person in the photograph, I leave.  Simple as that.  Also, clock watching and telling me to “hurry up” really gets me mad and makes it even more difficult to climax.  The last issue is price.  They are demanding way too much money these days so I say, boycott them for one week, maybe their attitudes will improve and prices will come down.  Please don’t send me a message as it will come through my normal email account and I don’t want that revealed.  Sorry.  BOYCOTT  !

In summary, I’d love to see the tinkle in a woman’s eyes, be able to stand by a pimp that has reliable bitches, or help any of the women looking find their one true love. Unfortunately, I have to settle for romance with my bottle of wine…life’s tough.

Because, well it's the truth dammit.
Because, well it’s the truth dammit.

To The Unconventional Convention

I got a comment! On my first day! So basically, that one little comment has given me hope that I won’t just be typing into the ether for no one to see. And so, I shall persevere.

A little more about me, because why not. I’m the most conventional-looking unconventional chick you could probably find. I despise all conventions, and thus used to wear my hair really short (see below) just because people always demanded to know why I wore it short. I don’t think marriage is for 99.99999% of the human population because, I just don’t think they realize monogamy isn’t natural for us-it’s work. So as soon as it becomes work, they try to find something else that seems more natural. I oooo and ahhhh over the uncute dogs of the world-the ones with no hair, the pit bulls, my absolute FAVE the cane corso! I think my most unconventional aspect is my career choice…I’m a Pathologists’ Assistant. Which means, I do autopsies and dissect all the surgical specimens that come off people. If a colon cancer patient has their bowel taken out-I get the bowel first. I look at it, determine what’s wrong with it, cut up the interesting bits, and send them on for the Pathologist to microscopically diagnose. In short, I do the fun part. So as you see, even though my unconvention doesn’t show from the outside, it’s definitely there.

The Short Hair Effect
The Short Hair Effect

I envy those, especially lesbians, who can be called out just by looking at them-everyone know’s they’re different and there’s a certain amount of admiration that goes along with that. Meanwhile, those of us who…appear to fall into line with convention are judged as “not gay enough” by both our unconventional counterparts and general society! Also, just in case some of you stereotypicals think I’m not self-aware enough to realize that most of my outrage is due to jealousy that I don’t scream lesbian…I totally acknowledge it and wish I could pull off the lesbian look. Then maybe guys wouldn’t think I just “haven’t met the right dick” bc let’s be honest ladies, when I was trying my darndest to date men – I met quiet a few dicks….in every sense of the word. I was out with my girlfriend once and one man actually pointed at me from across the bar and yells, “you, and you-I’m gonna put it in your butt later”…these were the only words either one of us had exchanged up until this point. I have no idea what about me says not only “I’m very much straight” but also “but you know, I like putting it in unique places”…sigh.

So for today’s unconventional convention (I PROMISE this won’t be the only thing I harp on-it’s just on my mind) I give you Piper Kerman – who you may know as the inspiration for Orange is the New Black’s Piper Chapman. I’m currently reading her memoir and I HIGHLY recommend even if you’re watching the show. It’s just different enough to keep you interested. She dated and had sex with both men and women and changes the term she uses to describe her sexuality, often just leaving it to ambiguity. I applaud her. She’s bringing the “who cares who ya bed” argument to the public eye. She dated a woman, had sex with many, and ended up with a man. Because in the end. Why does it matter?

"Piper Chapman" aka Taylor Shilling pictured with the real Piper Kerman.
“Piper Chapman” aka Taylor Shilling pictured with the real Piper Kerman.

 

A Plea For Help

I guess I should get things going, well as I’ve said-this is a blog for everyone. You can be a girl who dates girls, but sleeps with men. You can be a hardcore softball-playing, motorcycle-riding, strap-on-bearing lesbian who just loves the femmes of the world. You can even be a guy! I just want to try to bring the homo-spectrum together on one page. Now, I’m going to need help to do that-you’ll have to share. I would love to post a thought everyday and allow everyone who visits to tell their story or give their opinions on the thought. Kind of a free-association idea. You can be as detailed or vague as you’d like, you can vent-but no targeting anyone or specific hatred please! I think I’m going to stroll over to other sites and see if I can pick up some of you out in the world.

I recently have discovered that wordpress.com blogs can’t have plug-ins that allow user-submitted stories and the like, which is kind of what I want. SO, until I figure out how to remedy this…I’ll put a “contact me” page, then I can post the stories/words of undoubted wisdom and credit those who send them to me. If this really takes off, I’ll get a site that has the ability for plug-ins.

Today’s Thought:

It’s really more of a question. What’s the best way to make this a Community Affair? Please let the suggestions roll in!

And This...Because it made me chuckle dammit.
And This…Because it made me chuckle dammit.